To the best of my considerably good memory, I have never used this old expression. It's of course one of those purposely flamboyant, totally untruthful statements meant to draw emphasis to this or that desire of the speaker. Rarely has the expression meant anything in a reality world. Even the man who is caught under a heavy weight in an accident with no rescue in sight for a day or days while suffering with his right arm smashed and completely preventing his escape, probably does not verbally utter that line, that he would give his right arm to be free of this trap. Yet it has happened, and we have heard of the overwhelming determination, courage and desperation of this kind of predicament, finally causing a person to use any sort of tool available to sever his own arm to get free rather than allowing himself to die.
Without even considering the life-or-death factoring, which at the moment, I am not, it is entirely possible that I have made the no-brainer decision that may ultimately mean I'm giving my right arm. But if it happens, the only overwhelming (and maybe flamboyant) statement about it would be that I gave my right arm to poverty. This does not mean that somehow I was able to offer my right arm in some gesture of selflessness and altruistic fervor in order to stand bravely against the ravages of poverty in general. No. It would mean that strictly due to my unenviable condition of senior citizen living in poverty, I eventually was forced to lose the arm - or the effective use of it.
Within 2 days I am to report to the hospital for surgery that is required to remove a cancerous growth that somehow found my right shoulder a good host where it could take root and thrive. I've pointed out to many that this is not "Cancer" in the way most people experience it - not actual cancer as I often say. It is a locally aggressive malignancy that does not seem to have the capacity to attack in the usual cancer manner, so I am not having my own cells eating themselves. This thing is distinctly not me, but it depends on my body for its nutrition. It bleeds my blood and it compacts my nerves, causing the intensity of pain I have tried earlier to describe. But I think of it as an alien life form that somehow crept onto my shoulder and burrowed inside, sending tentacles down into my flesh to pilfer nutrients. The doctors tell me it can be completely removed with no left-over fear of some spreading, life-threatening disease. Naturally I picture the operation happening in the sci-fi movie mode, with the alien sensing it is being attacked by knives and then beginning to snarl and fight back, reaching with tiny fibrous fingers to grip some solid flesh around the excision path, disallowing the surgeon complete success in removing and discarding it. It's easy for me to imagine it in this way because the surgeon has explained that he will need to remove a good deal of "good" tissue surrounding the lesion in order to be assured that all of the diseased tissue is out. Then I am due to wait a minimum of a week with the large hole in my body left open and being treated and tested so that when reconstructive surgeries begin, there is no chance for any remaining disease hiding beneath the replacement flesh which doctors will have borrowed from other areas of my body to fill in the cavity.
While the surgeons who have been dealing with this mess are being most positive and up-beat about the ultimate outcome we can expect, I am not unaware of the papers I have signed that absolve anyone of any potential problematic outcome that might surprise us. There is most definitely a possible danger to those many nerves that have brought my pain to such high levels recently. Which of these could be cut and potentially destroyed, rendering my arm less workable? What knife stroke might accidently cause the total loss of my right arm's future functioning? Which artery might reject the whole idea of being responsible to support this replacement flesh business and refuse to carry blood to its needed destination? What disease could result from any of this, requiring amputation of the right arm?
And as I ask these very real questions, I am painfully aware of the fact that I could have avoided this condition entirely if I had acted sooner. Without great detail, I will merely say that due to our financial stresses over the previous two years, I dilly-dallied over having a tiny, unimpressive cyst removed. To be fair, I did go once when it was nothing more than a bean-sized bump and I paid an Urgent Care physician to tell me if it posed any threat. He didn't think so at the time but said I could learn more by consulting a dermatoligist. Logical. Also logical was the assumption that a specialist of this discipline would require me to get a biopsy and have lab testing done before he/she would remove the little lump. Having no insurance at the time (wisely having skipped "Part B" of Medicare when I signed up because of my poverty and my nominal monthly social security income which is about one third of the maximum the system provides most retirees), I decided it was not worth the hundreds of dollars this whole bean-removal business would surely cost. When the eruption in early January revealed something far more serious than an infected cyst, I had already signed on to pick up the important "Part B" coverage but was told that it could not be accessed until July.
So while my malignancy grew over the winter/spring months (having been biopsied in February at the same Urgent Care facility, at my own out-of-pocket expense), I searched for methods of managing my need for surgery. Again, skipping detail here, I have managed now to get to this stage of preparation for the surgery to remove the alien and I am told to expect several plastic surgery procedures to follow throughout the summer.
And though I have emphasized to the plastic surgeons that I am "no Angelina Jolie; don't worry about how beautiful I am when it's all done," I nonetheless am extremely hopeful I do not have to give my right arm!
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