CRAZOLUTIONS

It's that time again - the first day of a new calendar year; the time for crazy resolutions!

Sure, we typically try on one or two for size and many of us then reject the idea outright.  "Why bother?" is the defeatist approach we may take due to a history of breaking resolutions within weeks, if not days.

So why not just toss out a few and wonder whether any of them will find purchase on the slick and unmovable granite of our minds that are set in their ways.  Of course, none will probably manage to hold on, but we can't take anything for granite.  (Sorry; I can never let the cheesy ones slide on by.)

Now hear this, 2012, you madly promising, wild & crazy year of beginnings and endings! 

RESOLVED:  I will try harder to actually accomplish all my resolutions.

RESOLVED:  I will be more cautious in making them in the first place.

RESOLVED:  During this year I will lose 20 pounds.  (And try not to relocate them.)

RESOLVED:  I will be nicer to my mate in the hope I may still have the same mate next year.

RESOLVED:  I will try very diligently to stop sweating the petty things.  (I've already stopped petting the sweaty things.)

RESOLVED:  When ignorant and vile people spout off, I will be patient and calm - up to late in a count of ten, assuming I can get past three.

RESOLVED:  My cell phone will be kept ON whenever I am not in a meeting; in a restaurant; on the GOLF course; playing with my grandson; playing with my wife; playing hookey; sleeping.

RESOLVED:  Friends will be able to count on my undivided attention when they call on me - as soon as I've had time to get home, put on warm-ups, pour my Scotch and turn on the TV (muted, of course).

RESOLVED:  No more laughing at insensitive jokes (unless they are really good ones!).

RESOLVED:  All commentary I write will be "fair and balanced."  (Or, as I understand that phrase to mean, my bias is the only one worth consideration.)

RESOLVED:  Never to enter a line of people more than three deep.  I can always find some fool thing to do until the line diminishes.

RESOLVED:  To keep my friends close but my enemies closer.  (Right!  As though I have friends!)

RESOLVED:  To watch less television.  (Besides, everything I want is online.)

RESOLVED:  To practice the golden rule of humor - blast you as I would expect you to blast me!

And I notice that number two above is already broken, so the whole thing's a bust anyway!  Not to worry - the year is beginning on a positive footing and will bring what it brings.

To all of you Dear Readers, may 2012 be a year of joy, success and fulfillment, in whatever way these terms compute for you.  I hope you will stay with me here and send me zingers every time I trample the borders of my self-constructed Neutral Zone.  Even as I approach fossilization, I love to learn from others.  And if you have any crazolutions of your own to share, please use the comments area to entertain us.

Cheers,
markman
P.S. Barring unforeseeable calamity, I plan to be posting here until Dec. 21st!